Tuesday, August 22, 2006

"hit that racket ball with that racket"

Hello blog land people. Ive been trying to motivate myself to blog for a while now, and just havent been able to pull it off. When im out and about something remotely funny will happen, and ill say "oooo when i get home im going to blog about that" but of course i never do. For instance, one afternoon last week, christopher and i were at the gym, we were walking down the hall from the weight room to the stairs to leave. The hall has racket ball courts on one side of it, and people occasionally stand out in the hall watching the games... as it was this day. The hall is fairly long, about 4 or 5 racket ball courts long, and as we were leaving there was a man at the last court watching intently as 2 army boys hammered the little ball against the back wall. He was fairly far away, but not so far that I couldnt tell he was doing something to his ass, that he probably shouldnt be doing. As i got closer i could tell that he was attempting to dislodge his underwear from his butt. He had on those short shorts gym shorts, and had his hand up the side/back of them, digging away. Right as we got up to him, he realised he wasnt alone in the hallway, right at the same time he had his hand over his poop shoot. I mean.. seriously.. it was right back there. He looked at us, in shock.. and then back at the court and then back at us and said in an encouraging type chant to the payers behind the glass that cant hear him "ummm hit that racket ball with that racket". He continued to chant this more than obvious goal of the game to players that couldnt hear him until we passed and were up the stairs and out of ear shot. Now.. dont get me wrong. Im all about the comfort, AND im a female, so i know about uncomfortable undies all too well.. but for god sakes people... go OUTSIDE your clothes to adjust your self. OUTSIDE.

So, Ni has left for her vacation, and wont be back until after i leave. I WAS looking forward to having the house to ourselves.. ya right. Her house guest is away for this week, because Ni invited some one to sublet her room for this week. Then of course the house guest is comming back. so.. no time alone. The new roomate is very chatty. When she isnt chatting me up, or christopher.. her cell phone is glued to her head. Seriously, yesterday, I was helping Christopher with his homework, and she comes out and starts asking random questions about the DLI (the language base). If that wasnt enough, later, when christopher was sleeping, and i was doing some sit ups she comes out to go to the bathroom, but instead sees me doing situps and says "ooo i should do that, excersize really makes you feel good... how many do you do.. i took a salsa class once, you really have to use your Abs for that..." and on and on.. i seriously didnt say a thing, i mean im counting to 100, and im somewhere around 50, i dont want to stop, or god forbid lose count. But, its a condundrum right, cause i dont want to listen to her either. Then of course my mean side comes out, and my mind starts wandering...and all i can think is "put your money where your mouth is fatty and excerize if it feels soo good" or "how do you know what excersize feels like blimpo..your one salsa lesson?" Man, im glad i dont say horrible things like that. Im sure its bad enough that i think them, but.. its been well established im already going to hell -- so whats it matter.

7 comments:

Oakley said...

Another two years living like this and you got enough material to make your own Sienfeld show.

T+M. K. said...

i wonder if the INSIDE adjuster is the same person as the creepy fard dude...

Anonymous said...

Oh Sweetbritches, you are so very Naive and innocent. That guy at the racketball court was watching the muscles on those hot sweaty bodies as they bashed the ball around the court.
Once you told me mothers weren't allowed to talk like I'm going to talk so as I explain, pretend I'm just one of your friends.
You see, you have the chain of events slightly askew. That man was putting his fingers in his butt hole, not pulling his underwear out. It was too hard (no pun intended) to get them up there in the first place and he didn't want do it again after you went. That or you and Chris scared the shit out of him and he froze completely. He was probably praying you thought his hand was behind his back, not up his ass.
If you had checked his, hmmm, you know, his, well, package, (which you would never do because I raised you much better that that), you would have seen he was very hard. (of course catching sight of you and Chris probably scared him so bad he lost it)
The chant you heard was probably a weaker rendition of what he had been saying all along. It would normally sound breathless and the words would go liek this. "Hit that racketball, baby. Thats it, hit it across the court. Oooo, hit it again. Yes! Yes! Like that, baby. Hit it." etc.
You might be surprised how often something like that does happen around the base. Remember . . . don't ask don't tell.

itinerant_tee said...

how about instead of pretending a friend wrote that... ill pretend that i never even saw it. ever.
After i puke.

Oakley said...

ROFL, t's mom is da best

Anonymous said...

LOL- tiresa, i LOVE your mum!!!! she's like ME!!!!!!!!!!! mwahahahaha, i KNEW there was some reason you loved me, even though you always pretend disgust at all the gross things i say! lol

safe and sound in NZ, and missing you like crazy...will blog about it all soon!

love you
kat

itinerant_tee said...

YAY kat is in NZ!! Hi kat... thanks for posting. Hi dave, take care of Kat.

(still ignoring the previous post)